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[02:09:09 ♥ 11:33pm ] |
life is crazy, but i love it.
its always changing so much you never know whats next.
things have been pretty good for me.
i am slowly but surley figuring out what i want to do and where i want to be and most of all.... WHO i am.
the past couple months i have really figured out alot about myself.....and i can honestly say... i love the person i am and the women ive grown into. I know i still have alot of learning and growing to do but its one of the cool things about life.
i have however realized i need to work on the gigantic wall i have had up the past couple years. because its only gotten thicker.
the tough exterior i put off, i hate it.... i try and think back to when i changed to be like that and i think it was when clayton and i broke up because that was also around the time i was going through alot of family stuff.
not sure... i just hate that people always think im mad or sad, even when im not.. i hate being asked whats wrong every 5 min.
im workin on it though :)
i just feel that i should allow myself to be more vulnerable to people, and open up. but from MOST past experiences with people im not friends with anymore.. that has only hurt me. and deep down im probably one of the most sensitive big hearted people youve ever met.. weather it shows or not... and i get hurt to easily... so i gotta find a happy medium!
The social life is wonderful. ive made so many wonderful friends the past year. people who realllly do care about me. ME as a person....
i feel really lucky too know them, and have them in my life..... they are the kind of friends that dont just always have to party and go out... they can just chill and relax.
i am so happy that brittnay is home. she really is one of my best friends. its very diffrent having a friend thats a lesbian but its pretty cool too. i could care less what she likes that doesnt bother me. she is one of the most amazing PEOPLE i have ever met. i cant stand when people judge her or talk shit because i bet those people have nothing on her. shes already accomplished so much in her life, and shes one of the most kind hearted people ive ever met. it almost pisses me off how much she doesnt realize people take advantage of her and how much shes walked all over but she just continues always giving and doing stuff for people. makes her pretty special.
renae and i have our ups and downs but its nothing. we have a pretty tight friendship. im so proud of her for joining the navy. its really going to be life changing for her, which she needs, and i think shes finally got everything set, and i know this is going to be an amaing experience for her. im really going to miss her though :( four years is a really long time.
the boys - marcus codi dustin and andy. they are such sweethearts i love them to death. marcus is one of the biggest sweethearts ever. i love being around all of them, its always a blast. and they always make me laugh.
erin.. our new girlie... so happpy she broke up with her dousch bag boyfriend who didnt let her have a life for the past 2 years. shes one of the sweetest girls ive ever met... glad we are getting to know her and hang out with her.
zac ward- has become one of my best friends.......i made the mistake of allowing myself to fall for him but how could i not. hes like perfect. hes gorgeous and has a good head on his shoulders and an amazing heart. he always trys to talk to me about stopping smoking and i love how he just says hi randomly too see how im doing or is always excited too see me. i love that boy to death and i know i have a real friend in him for a very long time. im proud of him as well hes working hard to acheive his goals.
my girls sami,krista,little bree, jaymie.. and im not going to name them all.. but weve made the most amazing memories in such a short amount of time... i know im blabbing but i really wish i could tell my friends and make them understand how much they mean to me and how much i appreciate them and am so happy to have them in my life.......
Ive been with my nephew everyday.... i watch him everrrryday. as much as he drives me nuts .. its so hard to get mad or annoyed.... he is SO fucking cute.... like one of the cutest babies ever,,, and oh my gosh that smile.. it just makes me melt.... its so cute and hes already developed this little personality..... god i love that little boy so much he always makes my day somehow.
my brother...... i get choked up even trying to talk about.. hes everything to me.. the reason i push and try hard.. the reason ive made it this far in life... the reason i want to try so hard.. the one who picks me up when im at the bottom.. who cares about me.. like really does... whos taught me everything i know....... without him i dont know where i would be, honestly.
i have amazing people in my life i really do i really am really lucky.
one thing that really bothers me though.. is that people im no longer friends with..... talk so much shit still... like they havent changed at all. its like when you stop being friends with someone and time goes by.. drop it move on... dont keep trying to make people miserable.
especially when you talk yourself up so much... no one believes you.. your not fooling anyone and everyone sees right through you.. your the ones with no friends anymore.... it might be time to do some growing up yourself and realize its not always everyone elses fault and take some responsibility. I have tried SO hard to be mature for so long and just drop it and leave it alone.. but when i see you talking shit about brittany my lesbian friend at jimmys.. pointing... making disgusting faces.. laughing..... i really just wanted to knock your fucking teeth out, because i honestly think your lower then dirt and dont even deserve to be in the same room as the people there. and i cant stand how you have to sit behinde a computer and talk shit to people but in person you sit in your little corner with the other little caniving bitches where no one even notices your there and not say a FUCKING WORD IN PERSON. ever. honestly if you feel like your going to come and hang out with OUR group...and have a good time.... dont act like a coward.... say something because you obviously have alot to say. karma is a bitch and you will get whats coming to you. you may not think so but i promise you will.... i just hope i can keep keeping my cool, and be mature and act like you dont exsist.. but the hate i have for you guys.... really just... is hard. actually its not even hate i feel SORRY for you. im sorry, had to get that out.. this is a journal right? you can only hold shit in for so long.
so ANYWAYS.
im still looking for a real job, since the hartford i havent found one that is that consistent and most like a career that is high paying.... im thinking about going to be a flight attendant or go work at the airport i think that would be SO much fun.. i am such a people person that i think i woul dhave so much fun meeting all sorts of diffrent people from around the world. im def. checking into it i think it would be a blast.
Oh my gosh, and the weirdest thing happened the other day.
My really good friend shayne that i have known for what 6 years now? well when he was in prison for 2 years i wrote him like aletter a week we were for sure pen pals... i became friends with his mom and we talked for those 2 years... on the phone alllll the time....and so i had never officially met her. well she is training to be a truck driver... and she lets me know she is going to be staying in el cajon for 3 days... OF ALL PLACES EL CAJON. how ironic haha especially because she has never been to san diego before. so i got too meet her and we got pictures and went to chillies for dinner and then lapala the next night. went to walmart and acted like two little kids haha i spilt glitter and she threw it at me haha then she set off EVERY valentines doll in the whole roll hahhahahaah i was laughing sooo hard i love her to death and she has it in her head im going to marry shayne.. i wouldnt mind hahah. that was amazing finally getting to meet her and spend time with her tho im just sad it was raining and i didnt get to take her to the beach. she saw the trolly in santee town center and was like WHAT IS THAT!! i was like are you serious?!?! haha she wanted to go on it so bad but there was so many detours and warnings it just wouldnt have been any fun :(
anyways. besides everything else.. i think about ready for a relationship. for the first time i can HONESTLY say that i am over clayton. i mean i will always love him.... he was my first love.... and i think about him all the time he was a major part of my life and major life changing expericnce for me.... but i learned alot.. i dont regret it.. im ready for someone else.. its been 2 years and i havent been in a relationship. im not neccesarily looking but... i hope something comes along..... i have so much to give someone... and i want those feelings. i guess im just a hopeless romantic and want to find like a real relationship. because clayton never took me out on ONE date the whole time we were together.. never did cute things.. no flowers no suprises... nothing.. and i want that..... but waiting will make it worth it...... im content right now.
im just not the kind of person that brags about the single life because its not like i hook up or sleep around or even like "talk" to guys that often i dont live the single life my friends doooo so i dunno we will see :)
anyways.
everything is good, and only going to get better, and im excited and so happy and.... im a lucky girl :)
k done.. cuz i could write foreeeeeever.
oh yeah. and i miss adam sooooo much. it helps SO much to be around codi and dustin and tawnya. i got too see carol and martin and adams dog baby.while they were in town.. that felt sooo good to spend time with them. just hung out and talked and had a good time.. ate dinner..... i reallly enjoyed it. you know whats weird though.. is yes.... talking about adam is always really hard. but its dustin and ONLY dustin who gets me to SOB everytime its something about dustin. its like adam is with dustin like right there.. or i dunnooo but i love talking to dustin the most about him.... definitly.
MISSSS YOUUUUUUUUU ADAAMMM every fucking day.
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[01:12:09 ♥ 2:42am ] |
My memorial tattoo for Adam Martin Mooney.
I miss him soooo much.
Paul did an amazing job, and it was a really special time.. i had tawnya there with me and dustin too......:)
r.i.p love. havent posted in this thing in forever. i check it here and there. lifes really good. i have an absolutly amazing group of friends, the type of friends ive been waiting for. its a pretty big group but we have fun and there is never any drama really. loose some and gain even better. me and renae are closer then ever... and lets not leave any dumb ass comments on this post just to start drama.. think whatever you wanna think say whatever you wanna say because actually ive had no drama in my life since ive gotten rid of the 2 people who caused the most of it. ive become best friends with a lesbian who makes a hotter guy then most guys ive ever met without even trying haha. shes basically one of the COOLEST most real down to earth people ive ever met and i love her to death. shes my dancing partner.. she dances like chris brown its amazing. introduced her to the group and they are crazy about her.
for the past 6 months ive spent every day with my nephew. hes my evrything. him and my brother they mean the world too me. watching my little nephew learn something new everyday is the coolest feeling ever. i love that little boy so much.
i start school full time on the 26th taking 16 units. mon and wed ill be taking night classes so i can still watch tanner during the day. tues and thurs ill take morning classes and he will get to go to a lady who has little boys which i think will be good for tanner to interact with other kids hell probably learn alot from them. fridays i have no school so ill watch him if i need too..i hardley ever watch him fridays because candice doesnt work that day but she sometimes needs me while she cleans the house or shops. and then ill be taking saturday classes.
thursday im going to a buisness meeting with brittany (my lesbian friend) to look at doing this new job that i can work my own hours. its what shes doing right now and i know if shes doing it its legit so im stoked.
i have no kissed anyone yet in 2009, which i think is kinda special :) kinda cool. no boys for me just waiting i am in no hurry.....
i have the most amazing boy best friends tho thats for sure.
2009 has started off soooo good and its only going to get SO much better.
hopefully getting my own place within the next couple months.. then life will be close to perfect :)
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[09:11:08 ♥ 5:22pm ] |
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Im trying very hard not too get caught up in how bad my life is right now.
because in all reality its not.... people have it worse.. but its pretty bad. im trying to teach myself how to manage my money better. I work for EVERYTHING that i have..and its REALLY hard sometimes..... but i guess its made me a pretty strong person having to be so damn independant. Makes me appreciate things alot more.
And as bad as life is for me, i have the BEST friends i could ask for.. they make me realize that i do have ALOT to be thankful for... and when im with them i forget all about the things that are really going on and just appreciate living life to the fullest. I really didnt see me renae and samantha getting close again, but we have, and its been AMAZING. and i hope it only gets stronger from here.
Honestly, you loose some and gain some.... the ones you loose or lost are in your past for a reason. People drift apart, it happens thats life. You cant hold on too shit forever and if that does happen, maybe those people didnt mean as much to you as you thought or it just wasnt meant too be, its not worth all the drama and stress trying to make things work out that never seem too go the right way! Life is seriously too short for the bullshit just get rid of it and move on!!!!
Renae I am so glad we have gotten so close over the past couple weeks you and samantha. i love you guys to death. i love that we get crazy but we can also be sober sallys and chill and still have just as much fun. I love going to pb with the boys, i love them SOOOO so much. tommy and chris are the biggest sweethearts i have ever met and you know they care about us so much!anyways i would do anything for you guys. I wish i didnt have to go back to gay ass work haha that would be amazing, but i guess in all reality we all need to pay alittle more attention to whats going on in our lives so we can really get our acts together and be super happy.
i love renae samantha lauren tommy chris matt andrew everyone that has been in my life the past couple weeks, ive been waiting so long to find REAL friends who love me as a person and i know wont let me down and vise versa. LOVE YOU GUYS.
as soon as i get my finances all figured out and shit and can get myself set.. ill be starting a sleeve.. me nae and sam are starting em up here pretty soon i think, we are going to be some hott ass bitches:) uhm what else, i hate my job... and i want a new one but i know nothing pays as good as im making :/ unforunatly it takes up ALOT of my time :( sooo yeah ahhaa i dunno just gotta get my shit straight and everything will be PERECTO. im also trying to quit smoking ciggarettes and loose a ton of weight so i can look as hott as my best friends haha
as far as adam goes.
never in a million years did i think i would loose someone THAT close to me. it has been so hard. his memorial was like the hardest thing i have ever had to go too and getting up infront of everyone trying to talk about him and our memories was soooo hard i could barley talk and i didnt even get to say everything i wanted to. He was one of the most REAL friends i have ever had. he loved ME. ME as a person.. he knew me... the real me....and he LOVED me for it. When he told me i was beautiful.. i knew he really meant it.. I feel like such a asshole.. he was in love with me for years and even tho we were good friends i was just a scardie cat and never acted on it. He was so special, honestly. When i moved away to wisconsin he was one of the ONLY people who kept in constant contact with me from the time i left till i got back and he was the first person i hung out with. and when i was there.. before and after.. he would ride his bike to my house like everyday just too see me... and say hi to my mom.. or when i worked at vip world he would come see me.... or ill never forget him asking me out in 6th grade.. or all the memories in middle school...... and high school.. i read through his old livejournal and he said the nicest things about me.. and his other friends. im so lucky to have known him for the past 10 years.. so glad i got to be close to him.. so glad that i was a big part of his life.. and he will NEVER leave my heart EVER, i love him so much. i miss you adam!!!!!!
okay well ive gone on long enough :]
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[08:23:08 ♥ 6:37am ] |
was reallllly good.
you know, i really miss times like it.
went to the somoto sensory//goodnight caulfeild show and they did SO good.
even tho i got lost on the way to the epicenter because i forgot where it was and what it looked like since i stopped going to shows like 2 years ago ha. it was really good to see alot of people that i havent in a long time and to hear really good music for once at a show haha.
then went to get ready with the girls and went to ricky wallocks house too see the boys, and i absolutly love them. robert boll,ricky,travis and cody :) they are awesome even tho all they do is play beer pong haha.
then we went to adam and matts house. and that was awesome. all of us just chilled i mean it wasnt a party.. there was a good amount of people there just the right amount and everyone just hung out. yes of coarse people were messed up but it was just so chill. and then the boys picked up the guitars and started singing and i love when they do that.
i love andrews voice so much! and my girls sounded like angels :) kinda haha. met some really cool new people too. matt is a really cool guy from PA. someone who can actually hold a convo... WOAH.
i just like hanging out not getting crazy :)
loved it.
and on a final note- not mattter what we have been through me and lauren. we always end up so much stronger. we have our fights.. our mistakes.. our issues... but it always works out. we are two very strong rare women who are going to make it big in life no matter what you think you know about us. I love my best friend :) we will always be best friends no matter what! :) me and that girl have had THE MOST amazing conversations ever. like i said before...anyone that can hold a deep good conversation with me is in. i love to share my experiences with people, i like people to share theirs with me, and i love to learn more, and meet all sorts of diffrent people and meet people who are smart, and have a good head on their shoulders. people who have passion for things that are going somewhere. those are the kind of people i want to be surronded with.
and honestly, i have met SO many awesome people in my life and alot come and go... alot go for good. but id never take any of it back. i hold every memory so close. this is life and its amazing a precious. i cant wait too experince the rest of my life.
anyways,
so yeah tonight//this morning= amazing.
im still awake tho i havent slept.
wide awake haha.
i slept to much the other day!
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[08:19:08 ♥ 9:23pm ] |
livejournal is such an unhappy place.
its kinda depressing.
yeah life is shit, i think its supposed to be.
life is all about seeing how much we can handle and get through--its like all a big test.
and im doing my best :)
all you can do it be you--be responsible for you and your actions and try to be the best person you can be.
and its hard but its worth it :)
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[07:04:08 ♥ 3:13pm ] |
it has been FOREVER since i have been on this thing.
so much has changes and so much has happened... and so much more is going to happen :)
let me just start by saying.. that i love my best friend, lauren kay. our friendship is unbreakable.
and let me follow that by saying that i love renae and im SO glad that we are finally getting close because it definitly should have happened a LONG time ago. We are SO much alike, and i think that was the problem before! haha i love her :)
We move into our house August 1st and I cannot WAIT.
me, lauren, renae and sam....... its going to be amazing.
we are one group of strong ass girls, we are going to make it. this is going to be the best year EVER.
I cant wait to get the fuck out of east county.
:)
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[10:07:07 ♥ 7:44pm ] |
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dang i seriously have not been on this thing in forever!!!
Lifes been pretttttty damn good.
havent had drama in forever and i love it.. ive learned how to deal with alot of things and just keep it out for the most part.
ive gained friends and lost them... gained alot of good ones and got rid of the bad ones and im better off without them.
me and lauren are best friends again. :)
loveeeee it. people can talk all they want... it dont matta :)
no boys really. havent been too much on the lookout just waiting for a good one to come along.
im having a really hard time deciding on what i want to do with my life.
i cant decide if i want to go to school for fashion design, biology & zoology, or telecommunications and journalism.
its a hard choice.
Im looking for a job now and just getting my self together so that soon me and lauren can get out own place.
cant wait for that.
No more LA.
we checked it out.. it was super retarded.
home is home and this is where we wanna stay.
im trying to make alot of changes for myself... to make myself a better person.. life is wayyy to short for the bullshit.
im going to be 18 in 15 days and i cant wait!! ughhhh finallllly.
i love my family and i love my friends more then anything and seriously nothing means more to me im pretty damn lucky.
well thats all for now :)
p.s. i miss alot of people!!!
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[05:18:07 ♥ 10:53pm ] |
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haha it is so entertaining to come on here and read what everyone says.
shit well basically things are still really good for me.
working pretty much full time.
done with high school may 31 and then straight to grossmont college to get my life going.
finally got tattooed.
just chillen.. dont go out much and dont talk to that many people anymore but man escaping from all the high school bullshit has been sooooo nice :)
i havent had drama for MONTHS and it feels soo soo good.
dont get me wrong i really really miss alot of people like super bad..... but until i get my lisence on june 1 im just gonna chill cuz i know once i start chillin with people again it wont stay the way it is now.
the only little bit of drama i had... was actually quite funny hahah. i just hate when girls go around running their mouth threating to beat people up when they just talk shit on the computer and dont do shit in person... its even funnier when they say "im a big girl ill talk to you in person" when uhhh hahah thats a joke....
if you fuck with my friends... your fucking with me.
anyways.
i miss freddy alot.
i miss chelsea alot.
i miss bree alot.
i miss amanda and raya and all the girls.
i miss everyone.
i know too some of you i had been a shit friend... and im done apologizing because all that shit is in the past all i have to say really is that ive grown alot as a person in the past few months... huge changes for me.... i made my mistakes and i learned from them... i needed that shit to happen so i could grow up a little bit.... if people are willing to leave shit were it belongs in the past man i would love to catch up.. if not.. ive been fine without you. im done with the bullshit its not worth it...
ive just been living life taking it in.. enjoying it and getting my shit together and its really nice.
kinda talking to my dad again.....
things are coming along for my mamma and i....
i dunno but shit is damn good :)
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[04:25:07 ♥ 11:41am ] |
dang things are so good right now.
working almost everyday... but its money and i have a blast at work.
no more black hair...going way light for summer.
extentions tommarrow.... im SO excited.
saturday me and elizabeth and my mom are going to the tattoo expo.
me and my mom are getting tattooed and elizabeth is getting peirced.
its going to be soooo so fun.
i finally get too get new clothes.
and... on may 11th im finally getting my god damn lisence hahah.
ive had no drama and things have been pretty easy going :)
life is good.
i miss alot of people tho.... i hope to fix that soon!
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[03:28:07 ♥ 10:44pm ] |
REMEMBER THIS?
WHEN WE WERE ALL HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER...AND EVERYTHING WASNT SHIT.
BECAUSE I MISS IT.
ALOT.
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[03:21:07 ♥ 1:06am ] |
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my god.
i cannot believe he is gone.
ive known this kid since pre school days.
its such a heartbreaker and slap in the face.
he was probably the sweetest most respectful happy genuine person you could ever meet.... someone you definitly want to have as a friend.
one of a kind.
made an impact on everyone he met, literally.
gone at 16.... i cant believe it.
i wish i woulda talked to him more recently......
Man death is so crazy too me.
i dont understand it.
how can someone just be GONE.
gone forever.
can touch them hold them talk to them anymore they are just gone.
you cant say your sorry say you love them say goodbye nothing just gone.
man, today made me think soooo much.
about everything.
about the people i care about.
about if i died now, would i be as loved and cared about as zach?
did i make a diffrence like zach?
i mean think about it... im sure when zach woke up this morning he didnt think well hey im gonna die today.
NO, you never know when it will sneak up on you and you will be gone in the blink of an eye.
it could happen to any of us at any time.
wow i dont know...... im soooo heartbroken right now.. ive been crying since about noon today............... i think the part that gets me most.. is that he suffered. he didnt die right away.... how could such a horrible thing happen to such an amazing person.... the thing that breaks my heart the most that rips my heart out and makes me bawl... is what brock said today.. his brother.. he said " i held him when he was born and i held him when he died" uhhhhhhhh. my god.
my friend becky evans was supposed to be in that car today with him and she decided not too........ she could have died too and i would have been devastated im so glad she made that choice.
and rayce copak who was trapped in the car with zack... im so glad hes ok............. but im sad that he has to go through all this.. being injured.. dealing with all the questions.. and dealing with all the images in his head he has of zach in the accident.
man everybody please pray for brock and his family
for rayce and his family
and telle veryone you care about how much you love them because they might be gone in the blink of an eye.
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[03:13:07 ♥ 12:25pm ] |
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You and I both by Jason Mraz |
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AHHHHH I have been the happiest person alive latley.
everything has just come around for me.
you go through shit, but then you only come out stronger.
I love my job and im working almost everyday, i love it.
I FINALLY GOT A CAR :)
now im just waiting to get my liscence next month.
Im single, and im glad because i was only unhappy and depressed.
I love him with everything in me that wont go away, but the break up was what i needed.
I miss him dont get me wrong, he has a new girlfriend and he tries to make me jealous, but its ok... as long as hes happy.
I dont want a boyfriend for so long, im not looking im just gonna be happy with what i got until something special comes.
i dont hang out with too many people right now, and im fine with that.
I have had alot of time to myself, and it has been wonderful,.
Im finally happy with myself, im finally content im finally happy with everything... im finally coming into my own, taking responsibility for myself and growing up.
i have changed so much, people around me have been noticing and i love it.
As soon as i drive, im going to get my social life back though.
I miss so many people that i really care about.
I cant wait, life is only going to get 100% better.
no drama for a while, and that feels even better.
A few people have tried to talk shit, bring me down, but thats easy to take care of.... :)
I seriously owe alot too my brother, he has helped me so much and he everyday makes me a better person.
He is my bestfriend and an amazing person.
Well yeah :)
hahah hope everyone else is doing good :)
P.S
I LOVE MY FAMILY MORE THAN ANYTHING, THEY MEAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO ME.
MY MOMMY :)
my big brother :)
my uncle bob and dylan :)
my coco :)
i think i might now have the courage too see my daddy.
i miss him.
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[02:11:07 ♥ 10:36pm ] |
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OH MY GOD.
so me and my brother were watching dane cook cracking up and we got like really hyper so we go in his room and we start having a front flip contest on his bed hahahahahahah
we were dying laughing.
like crying.
we were like copying everything dane cook said and then doing the funniest shit look we have pictures haha.
excuse the wet hair and pajamas i dont care haha.
hahah count on my brother too not let me feel shitty hahahah
1. Who were you with last night?
bree and joey and alysha
2. What woke you up this morning?
my brother tickling me to death
3. Where are you?
in the office
4. What are you doing tomorrow?
not really too sure yet.
5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
just family
6. When's the last time you cried?
about everynight for the past month ha.
-The PAST-
7. Ever thrown up in public?
haha ohhh yes
8. Passed out because of alcohol?
no
9. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
him and the next two weeks
-The FUTURE -
10. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
yes
11. Where would you like to live?
wisconsin again
12. What kind of home would you like?
a decent one, one im happy with it doesnt have to be big and nice
13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
not really sure were im going with that
14. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
happy
- ON MYSPACE -
15. Who have you kissed on your top friends?
bree, chelsea,bri,evan,boone
16. Who was the last person that left you a comment?
my little cousin
17. Are you good friends with this person?
ha hes family
18. How often do you log in to myspace?
like everday haha
- IN GENERAL -
19. Do you like candy necklaces?:
sure why not
20. When's the last time you fell or ran into something?
everyday
21. Do you still go trick or treating?
i try too
22. What was the last thing you ate?
tacos
23. Are you a fast typer?
faster than you
24. About how many people have you liked?
well alot im sure
25. What are you doing this weekend?
well this weekend is already over, the next one coming up im going to supercrossss wooo :)
26. Whats your favorite type of soda?
Dr Pepper im addicted
27. Have you ever moved?
yes i hate moving around
28. Have you ever won an award?
yes
29. How many times have you been in love?
just once.
30. What do you want to do right now?
talk to him.
31. Are you listening to music right now?
keep holding on, my new anthem.
33. Whats a word or phrase that you love?
toooo many
34. How long until your birthday?
uhhhh 8 months and 11 days till im 18 god that is forver
35. When were you the saddest in your whole life?
this past year has been really hard
36. What time is it now?
10:22... my birthday haha
37. Do you think anyone will repost this?
most likly
39. Have you ever had a song written about you?
dont think so
40. What song makes you cry?
all the ones that remind me of him or us.
when you say nothing at all by allison krauss.
whisky lullaby by brad paisly and allison kraus
the kill by 30 seconds to mars
i dont want to miss a thing by aerosmith....
the list goes on and on
41. What songs makes you happy?
some songs that he played for me
my favorite right now is insurance by the higher
42. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
i usually play the same things over and over, like i have a song for the day haha
43. Do you have a job?
yeah at pep boys
44. What does your CD player have in it right now?
the wreckers, i just got it today
45. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
cercloin blue
46. What makes you happy?
mm there are alot of things, im the kinda person that appreciates all the small things people do for me
[Hair:]
black
[Eye Color:]
sometimes blue sometimes green
[Piercings:]
ive had a ton, thinking about going back for more
[Tattoos:]
in 8 months ill be one tatted up little girl
[wearing right now?]
haha pajamas that dont match
[What taste is in your mouth?]
old gum.. ew
[Have a bad habit?]
yeahhh dont we all.
my worst is biting my nails.... they hurt
2006:
[ ] sucked for me
[ ] Was awesome.
[x] Was ok. It was awesome sometimes, then sucked sometimes.
2006 I...
[] Dumped someone.
[x] Was dumped.
[x] Dyed my hair
[x ] Failed a class
[x ] Had love at first sight
[ ] Snuck out of my house
[x] Stayed up all night
[x] Cried because I missed someone
[x] Missed curfew
[ x] Kissed someone who I regret kissing
[] Made honor roll
[x] Danced crazily with my friends all night
[x] Gained confidence
[x] Lost a friend(s)
[x] Gained new friends
[ x] Changed looks
2007 I want to...
[ x] Get better grades
[ ]Care less about how I look
[ ] Be crazier
[x] Keep my resolution
[ x] Be more of myself around people
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[02:08:07 ♥ 10:10pm ] |
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ive been having panick attacks latley and each time they get worse and worse.
right now im nauseaus hearts racing crying shaking hyperventalating and there is no way to fucking make it stop.
and this is why i stopped caring about people.
because when i do and they hurt me, this shit happens.
FUCK FEELINGS.
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[01:24:07 ♥ 9:39am ] |
Why does everyone all of a sudden think they are so much better than san diego all of a sudden?
Why does everyone think that they are so much better then everyone latley.
If you call that being grown up then i really dont know what to say.
You arent bettter than here and you arent better than everyone else and by being as negative and hateful to everyone as you are,complaining as much as you are and thinking that by running away everything will be ok....then you really all have another thing coming to you.
You think that you know everything but you dont know that last thing about shit.
Not saying that i do but ive also gone through alot of shit and i think that you all are being so immature.
Stop calling everyone scum bags and peices of shit you are no better then anyone else. We all have our problems and we all have times when we fuck up but who are you to point your finger at everyone else, maybe you are doing it so you dont have to face yourself and your own problems? The only way you are ever going to really get yourself anywere is being happy with yourself first.
YOU CANT BE HAPPY WITH EVERYONE OR ANYONE ELSE UNTIL YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.
I am willing to bet you anything that if you were to become happy with your life and your surroundings that life would be alot better for you. No one forces you too see and talk to the people that you do everyday. That is all in your control just dont talk to them. Ive been at the lowest low, the most negative and had the most shit gone possible in my life that you could possibly think of and ive also gotten to escape from here but no matter what it all just comes down to the way that you look at things. You think that when you go some were else you can pick and choose who are the good people? you think that friends arent gonna turn out shitty and dissapoint you? You think your still not gonna be unhappy with yourself? you think that your still not gonna talk shit on everyone that walks by only making you more unhappy?
whatever you guys wont listen you will just keep doing it. try to make everyone feel like shit and try to make you seem better than everyone else. its kind of funny but whatever because it only makes you look stupid.
Im just sick of everyone putting people down for no reason its so pathetic.
peace.
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[01:06:07 ♥ 11:33pm ] |
Well basically im really depressed.
Its the worst feeling.
I am probably going to loose clayton and let me tell you.... i am going to be SO devastated.
I cant even bare the thought of it.
I really do love him with all my heart.
My home life is shitty as fuck.
I have NO one except one person in my life who truly cares.
Without my brother.... i dont know what would happen.
Its shitty not having anyone to count on.
Its shitty being let down.
Its shitty letting yourself down
Its shitty being a dissapointment.
Nothing is ok.... does anything ever get better...
its just been getting worse for me.... i cant bare it anymore.
i spent all day today in my bed staring at the wall alone.
i woke up at 5 45 and just layed there.
tooooooo much.
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[12:09:06 ♥ 4:08am ] |
so hahaha
it is 3:07.
I am at louises house haha.
Ive been with chelsea bri evan aldo louise kenny chris dane and cynthia all night.
tonight was crazzzzy.
but i love these people.
and dang.
i screwed up hahah
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[11:29:06 ♥ 5:00pm ] |
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jack johnson |
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Geeze i havent written in here in a long time.
Basically.
There isnt too much that is new.
I really hate how life has its really HIGH highs and its really LOW lows.
Right now its pretty low.
Ive been grounded because of my lowsy grades.
Me and my mom dont really get along at all and basically as soon as i drive im out.
I really need a job and i have been applying everywere but no one wants to hire me.
I am so used to spending every freaking day with clayton but that has stopped due to my grounding and his work.
well.... actually though... my mom has let me spend the last few weekends with him.
like actually spend the night.. i have spent like three weekends there and its pretty damn awesome.
she has a boyfriend now so its like shes always wanting to get rid of me.
when it comes to me and clayton.
our relationship is stronger then ever.
i love it and i love him more than anything.
its almost like we needed that breakup because.. it has made us alot stronger.
we are now able to talk about anything and everything and just be honest about everything.
we hardly ever argue but when we do we apologize and it hardly lasts at all.
and OH MY GOD.
i am absolutly in love with his family they are amazing.
i have gotten pretty close with them too.
his sister and mom were really cold to me at first, suposivly they usually hate everyone and are really mean to them.. they dont usually accept to many people but , with me.. now we talk about everything and have fun. i love it. sometimes his mom even wants me to stay over.
his uncle is my favorite we spend alot of time with him.
this thanksgiving was like the most amazing i have ever had.
i spent it with his family.. everyone was there but his brother cody.
his family is REALLY musical there was like 10 people playing guiatar and everyone else was singing.. EVERYONE it was amazing. they do that anywere they go to like when we went to santee lakes. I LOVE IT.
god i love clayton alot.
everything is just awesome with us and i cant wait for everything else.
i REALLY cant wait to spend christmas with his family.
im pretty bummed though i wish i had a job cuz i know clayton will do good for me this christmas and i dont have much to give.... :-/
uhmmmm.
friend wise im not caring much because no one seems to be real.
i like to call them acquaintences because in my eyes.. a friend is someone you trust and loves you unconditionally i mean most the people i know that i used to call friends dont even acknowledge my exsistence anymore. they cant even give me so much as a hello.
the only real friends i think i have are clayton and chels. thats about it.
im sick of friends getting mad now because i dont want to go out and party anymore.. and id rather be with my boyfriend.
seriously why would i wanna go out.. get drunk... without my boyfriend?
seriously.. i lost a friend because of that i dont even care haha.
uhmmmm.
i dont know man.
thats an update.
im really happy i now have a facebook because i can keep in contact with alllll my buddies in wisconsin.
makes me real happpppy :]
k welllll. bye guys.
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[10:25:06 ♥ 9:33pm ] |
UUUUGHHH!
GAHHH!
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
seriously like him having a truck now has helped out relationship sooo much.
before we never saw each other and just always talked on the phone.
now.
we have spent the last week or two together everyday and it has been absolutly amazing.
i LOVE it.
we like never fight or anything.
IM SO HAPPPPPPY WITH THINGS RIGHT NOW.
oh yeah AND KNOCK OF ALL THE DRAMA IT IS SO STUPID.
I GET BROUGHT INTO EVERYTHING SOME HOW EVEN THO I HAVE NOOOOOOOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
DROPPP IT .
ITS STUPID.
IMMATURE.
AND AT LEAST..
IF YOUR GONNA TALK SHIT
DO IT IN PERSON NOT ON HERE.
LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL :]
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[10:22:06 ♥ 7:06pm ] |
IM FINALLY 17 :]
thank you too every who wished me a happy birthday.
it means alot to me.
it shows who my real friends are and im happy i have them.
i may not have alot of friends but the ones i do have i never want to let go thats for sure.
i miss some people but i guess it just wasnt mean to be?
I SPENT ALLLLLL DAY WITH CLAYTON :]
it was awesome
he brought me roses.
i have never gotten flowers from a boy before.
i dont care what ANYONE says because i love him so fuck you.
everyone makes mistakes.
uhhh,
LOVE YOU ALL.
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